Comparing News Leads and Critiques

I thought CNN’s article had a strong lead because it got right to the point and after reading it, the reader understands that the shooter at the Washington Navy Yard was not mentally stable.  The lead captured my attention because it listed very heavy crimes that most stable people do not commit, but what really grasped my focus was the second sentence, right after the lead. This is the main point of the story… that although the shooter had committed all of those above crimes, he still received security clearance and was able to work as a subcontractor. Because of how effective the second sentence was, I would move it up and include it in the lead paragraph.

I was equally, if not more, impressed with fox new’s lead on the same story. The opening sentence was crisp, fluid, conversational, and to the point. I was not confused at all and knew exactly what the rest of the story was going to be about. I also think that the most important information was included in the lead, without it being too long or too cumbersome, as in The New York Times article. Although this story starts off with the shooter’s name, I think it was done well and does not need to be changed. It was also more concise than the first article’s lead because it did not list all of the shooter’s acts of misconduct, but simply summed up that he had many psychological problems.

New York Times’ lead on this story was not enticing or attention grabbing in the slightest. There was too much information thrown into the first sentence, which made it very difficult to follow and understand. I also think that two ideas were included in the lead, which made me even more confused and less focused.  After reading the first paragraph, I was confused on what the rest of the story was going to be about. Will the story cover the psychological and mental states of the shooter? Will the story focus on the victims of the shooting? Instead, the lead should be very focused, concise, and should tell me exactly what I am going to read about next.

Perhaps, a better lead would be something like this:

WASHINGTON- The former Navy reservist who murdered 12 people on Monday had shown signs of mental instability ten years ago but was still security clearanced and able to work at the Washington Navy Yard as a subcontractor.