A journalist only has a sentence or two to grab my attention. As somebody who easily gets distracted when reading, lead sentences are crucial. But unfortunately, even such a prestigious publication such as the New York Times failed to keep me engaged. A recent New York Times article highlights the mental instability of the shooter who killed 12 individuals at the Washington, DC Navy Yard. Despite the emotional and important topic, the article's lead paragraph is distracting due to its length; too much information is pushed into this rushed lead sentence. When reading the lead out loud, its various components get jumbled as I attempt to reach its end. In the first half of the sentence the authors used the word "to" twice in too close proximity. Instead, the writers could have picked different words, which would have diversified the sentence. Moreover, the journalist should have broken the lead into two separate sentences.
An improved version of this lead may be the following:
WASHINGTON- Rhode Island Naval Police failed to tell Washington officials that the Navy Yard shooter was mentally unstable. Pentagon officials said that the shooter, a former Navy reservist whom killed 12 people, was thought to be hearing voices sent by a "microwave machine".
On the contrary, a recent E! News article instantly grabbed my attention. Focusing on a clearly more pressing issue of celebrity relationships, the article's lead sentence is simple: "Liam Hemsworth is moving on". I am not even sure if I know who Liam Hemsworth is or why he is important. But, the direct manner and simplicity of the lead makes it seem as if he is important. As I continued to read into the lead I figured out that Hemsworth is a major character in the Hunger Games movie. This slight bit of background information helped to keep me engaged and aware of what I was reading. Moreover, the lead continues to use eye-catching words such as "hunk", "former fiancee", and "steamy makeout session". As celebrity news sells very easily, the addition of these provocative words pulls me as a reader out of my college life and into that of celebrity status. The fast pace and gossip-style lingo of the article's lead is what pulled me into reading its shallow news.
But while celebrity news is so important to our daily lives, there are sometimes more meaningful events. I recently came across a story by the Christian Science Monitor about a memorial for a 2003 nightclub fire. As I was in third grade when the fire occurred, I had no previous background information about the event. In the first section of the lead sentence the author states the most important fact: a permanent memorial is being build for 100 people who died in a fire. Now that the "what" is revealed, I am more inclined to keep reading. Plus, the emotional pull of the topic gives me a desire to find more meaning in the article. The author continues to provide me with critical information in the next sentence(s) as he states the "how" "where", "who", "when", and "why" of the 2003 tragedy. It is important to answer these elements right away in order to keep the audience's attention and remind them why to keep reading. It is not easy to construct an effective lead, and it is something that I am still struggling with and learning to do successfully. But with proper focus and dedication, an author can write leads that effectively pull in his or her audience to keep reading.
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